Let’s Talk Relationships…..
One thing I learned years ago is that no amount of money $$$, Abs, success, impact you are having on the world, how amazing your purpose is, NONE of this will matter if your relationship isn’t on point.
You’ll still be unhappy.
So to have a happy and fulfilled life, your relationship needs to be a top priority. Your #1 focus daily. Society tells you “The kids come first” hence why 50-80% of society is divorced.
Now, I don’t air my dirty laundry publicly, so many of you don’t know I am actually married. But have gone through my own relationship troubles over the past few years. Which we have kept mostly private.
This pain I’ve experienced is what led to my discovery of a program called “Bulletproof Husband” that teaches you WHY your relationship failed(its mostly your fault guys), how to fix yourself, and how to show up in your marriage the right way.
All things WE ARE NEVER taught. Hence the 50% D rate nationally, and 72% in my area.
Now I’m no certified expert on relationships, but I’m LEAGUES above the avg person. I’m basically an uncertified semi-expert now. Lol
But still learning, growing, applying myself.
This quote right here in the image about “hearing her” is one of the TOP reasons for relationship issues. But at the root of their problems are HIS issues.
Here’s why, most men CANNOT do this. Men are wired to be logical, problem solving, thinkers, who protect and provide. Women are feelers, more emotional.
I say men cant do this because most of us are damaged emotionally from suppressing our pains over a lifetime.
from childhood men are taught to suppress their emotions. “Boys don’t cry. Be a big boy. Don’t act that way. Toughen up.” Etc.
So we learn suppress everything. We suppress for YEARS, for decades!
On top of that MOST are damaged emotionally from childhood by parents divorce, abandonment, abuse, neglect, or getting picked on as a kid. All of which we also suppress.
For example:
I grew up 100% fatherless. Each and every day I hoped he would call, send a letter, show up. Show up to a practice, a game, something. But not once, never happened. Every day the pain grew.
Which led to me feeling “unwanted. Not good enough. Unloved” by my father.
Which hurt every day more and more. That pain led to me becoming very angry. I got in Lots of trouble growing up.
Then it affected how I behaved in all my relationships. Her expressing herself/correcting me triggered those old wounds(like gunshot wound), and just like someone sticking a knife in your bullet hole, you REACT to avoid the pain/feeling and it’s never good.
Most men have these wounds(bullets) and many others.
These wounds are always present and drive all of our behaviors. ALL OF THEM. Especially how we show up in our relationships.
So when our women bring up issues, or certain life situations happen(kids, deaths, life stresses etc), those wounds are triggered, and we automatically REACT!
By arguing, exploding, justifying, getting triggered, become controlling, often narcissistic and reacting in ways that shut her down.
So she never feels heard, understood, gets to express herself, feels rejected, feels unloved, unappreciated, hurt, doesn’t get her needs met.
Now, deeply hurt men, are often angry, assholes, but this typically doesn’t come out until it’s triggered. They’re typically easily triggered.
Having Kids usually bring out the asshole, here’s why. Ever Notice most divorces happen after they have kids, within 3-8years old?
I’ll explain why. It’s not kids fault, it’s parents fault. But theres a logical reason for this.
When you are in a relationship with just you two, what is it like?
When a relationship is new you are 100% invested in one another, constantly dating, investing in the relationship, doing thoughtful things, spending lots of time together, going on trips, having good time, lots of sex, hes listening to her and hearing her, spending lots of quality time together, every thought is about doing something with or for their partner. etc.
So both of you are getting your needs met, your love tanks are FULL. Youre happy, fulfilled, and feel you can take on the world together. So you marry this person.
Then you have kids. Remember, hes still got those suppressed wounds. She may have many of her own too. But let’s just be men and take responsibility for our part.
She may get pregnant, many of the things she was doing for him, the relationship, may have stopped or greatly reduced. Which starts to trigger some of his old wounds. (Not good enough. Unwanted. Unloved. Etc) Hes no longer getting his needs met, is feeling forgotten, rejected, unimportant, etc. Any negative feelings can easily trigger those wounds. So the asshole starts to appear.
Then the baby is born, and all her attention is on the child. Hes completely neglected(in his mind) at this point. The asshole appears more.
Now there’s no alone time, no dates, no getaways, no time invested into the relationship, no physical touch, lots of fatigue and time invested in the care of the new baby.
Day by day his tank is more and more empty. The wounds are being triggered. He’s miserable. Unhappy. Hes angry maybe resentful. He’s an asshole. He doesnt quite understand why, but hes really unhappy.
When she tries to express herself, bring up something he explodes, won’t hear it, yells, argues, gets angry, gets frustrated, and basically rejects her.
Over time, her tank is now getting empty.
He is feeling unwanted, unloved, not respected, and he’s being an asshole.
Shes not getting her emotional needs met, so she feels unloved, unwanted, unappreciated, starts getting angry and resentful.
Now because she’s resentful, nothing he does it right. Everything is wrong. From how he washes dishes, changes, diapers, even how he breathes annoys her. lol.
Now she is triggering his wounds even more. He’s getting triggered, exploding, arguing, yelling even more.
They begin to hate eachother. And you know how this story ends. D.
Thats just a quick example. (i’ve heard literally 100s of stories just like this in my course 800 men are in)
So how do we avoid this?
In one word, “HEAL”. Speaking to you MEN first.
He needs to heal. Dealing with his shit from his childhood, and past hurts/relationships/deaths/ and whatever else he’s been suppressing.
Because a HEALED man shows up differently. A healed man doesn’t react, explode, argue. A healed man is not an asshole to his queen.
A healed man can HEAR her. He can understand her. Is curious about her, how she feels, and can listen when she’s trying to express herself. I healed man can handle her wave of emotions and be solid.
A healed man can meet his woman’s emotional needs. And a woman that is heard, appreciated, valued, understood, SHINES!!!!!!! Her tank is full and she shines like a diamond!!!
And when she is SHINING, she will support, encourage, push, appreciate, respect, and affirm her king. And she is also very sexual.
Which is everything men need!
So my kings, the lesson for you today, is to HEAL!
We are men, we take responsibility for our actions, behaviors, and we GROW from them. We LEAD our families.
I will write another blog teaching you how to heal soon. But for now I just want to plant this seed that Im going to continue to water.
Just know, youre not the asshole you think you are or that she may currently believe you are, you are just hurt and need to heal.
That’s the good news, you can fix this and show up SOLID and be the man SHE needs and your family needs.
Your emotional state is also what leads to your food, drug, or alcohol issues. All of which effect your physique and health as well. Which can also be a factor in your relationship issues. On the other hand, if you’re drowning yourself in alcohol or drugs, you can still recover from it with the aid of sites like https://inpatientrehabilitation.co.uk/.
So your lessons here for now, put your relationship first, heal from your shit.
Mastering your emotions by doing emotional work regularly is the key to YOUR personal happiness and in your relationship.
I will tell you first hand, I’m completely different now. I no longer get triggered. I’m calm. Relaxed. Peaceful. Patient. Empathetic. All things I never was before. For those of you who have known me for years, you know what I mean.
When you men get there, you’ll HEAR her, youll be able to listen to her perspective, her feelings, understand her, and it will come very naturally. So give her this gift of feeling safe, secure, and fully able to express herself. She will get her needs met, and then she will feed yours. 
And youll go from troubled waters to POWER COUPLE.
I promise.
Lead from the front men.
LFG!
Coach Daymond
Find all my links here https://linktr.ee/CoachDaymond
